We are all hungry, filled with dissatisfaction, cravings & desire for fullness. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes not. This is my journey of learning to feed my heart & share the feast with those around me. This might sound cheesy – oh well – hopefully if you knew me you'd know I'm serious. (and I'm also sometimes cheesy)
About 2 months ago I got given a car! A 1995 Buick Le Sabre to be exact. What a great gift! Let me rewind a little. I have been driving since I was 18 (that’s how we roll in South Africa) and had my own car since I was 20. I don’t bus, or train or catch taxis. Fastforward again until 28 year old me moves to Hawai’i- the land of right hand traffic, and improbably expensive cars. For 18 months I had no car… which is beautiful if you live somewhere awesomely close to the beach, like Waikiki… but when you live in the poorest part of the island, which is also the 20 miles away from the beach, it’s not as hipster as one would like!
So you can imagine how much I love having a car again! It IS the gift that keeps on giving. I feel so free and independent and grownup again, and so grateful. I have this epic idea to be able to bless others and allow them to use it. Have you noticed though, how difficult it is to be truly generous? If I want to be extravagantly generous, which my heart does, even though my little tight fists disapprove, I need to ‘give more than expected’ and be okay with it. A little example of when this is hard would be – someone borrows the car, leave the interior lights on, and runs the battery flat. Oh wait… that just happened this week. My battery was so flat that I had to jumpstart my car several times in one day – despite a longish drive on the highway… I would have driven longer, but had no gas and when I stopped to refill – I had to jumpstart AGAIN! I was SO mad, and had visions of needing to buy a new battery, and ain’t nobody got time (or cash) for that.
And suddenly my ‘generous’ heart was proved to actually be a stingy, scroogey, and cheap. And I was thinking very ungenerous, unJesus-like thoughts about my friend. There is a happy end to the story though… so far it seems I don’t need to buy a new anything. And so my thoughts are happy again, and I don’t scowl at my poor friend whenever I see him. But I am saddened to reflect on how I did respond, and also how I might respond if I start needing jumper cables again… watch out Matt. You would think that the fact that I got given a FREE CAR, would more than compensate for the minor inconvenience of needing a new battery.
As I have been prayerfully reflecting on this I have decided that the solution is start with being more grateful and appreciative of what I do have. Celebrating and enjoying the many wonderful things and people and opportunities in my life will help me not be distracted and disappointed by what I don’t have,or think I ought to have. I have a car and a great life full of purpose and hope and joy. Why would I let a little car battery rob me of that joy? Pssh.